She
12.02.11 (2:41 pm) [edit]She has the heart I have searched for She seems to understand before I finish my thoughts She has a depth I wish to dive deeper into Her voice soft,her wisdom of life complex and patient Her stroke full of compassion that burns my pages She blends colors,twists fabrics into art with a flick of her finger Her power reflects a millon times over into mirrors and steel She wispers her thoughts on my canvas holding me steady and still She what a wonderment, Her so famialir, She I will know until I fade She interesting...She I no longer alone...
YOU Part III
06.02.11 (12:25 pm) [edit]I used to contemplate the complexities of life. I used to think about what exists beyond our concept of the universe. I used to know the reasons for my actions or thought process. Then I met YOU! And now...Now I get it. Now I know what pain,betrayal and misery are to well. I know you are right at home with these same feelings as well. I know what it means to love someone, only YOU...Still don't understand the true meaning of the word love. Does that mean I existed for you or OUR love? Nope! Not anymore! At one time perhaps I did. Is that what we all desire to feel in a relationship? No one has any power over me! And maybe no one ever will again! But I am not going to live my life according to any plan or manual either. It's just that...All perfectly lonely MINE! Not yours! Not US! Not YOU ever again!
I
09.15.09 (1:48 pm) [edit]I do not care to know you anymore ! I do not wish for you or us anymore ! I now understand what pain means ! Thank you ! I do not think of you in anyway that is healthy ! I have moved on in my heart for months now ! I no longer care where or how you are ! I want what I once had before ! Happiness ! I can see that ahead it's very near ! I always get what I want thanks to my genes ! I will give what I have to another and see myself in the fruition of that person. Those selves will become ONE. This has already begun ! It won't be you ! Eye---I---means someone else and ME ! HER ! I will NOT hold onto the past ! It's easy to dismiss ! I love those who have given patience through these ruff times ! You ALL had my back ! You all saw what I could not ! You all knew what was best for me ! Now I do as well ! FREEDOM FROM PAIN AND MISERY AND HATE ! ALL GONE...I should have known better ! I did expect it ! Like a BAD movie sequel..At least it's over now !!! FADE TO BLACK..The LIGHT is NOW bright and I will run to it !!! Thank you for this !!! You will be forgotten....SHE now get's what YOU will never know !!!!
Rejected
07.17.09 (10:57 pm) [edit]I feel so completely rejected !!! My heart feels as if it is about to explode or could it be implode ? It's not like I had much left...This past month I have been emotionally tortured, rejected, avoided, paid back ,and horrible head games played upon my psyche just to name a few. Perhaps this is karma ? What happens when the chased becomes the chaser in a relationship ? What happens to your soul when all this is thrown at you ? Fuck that what about the person doing this...Do they even have a soul ? Ya know I think it's time for me to own up to a few things. Yeah I have done all this to someone before, hell maybe more than 2 people. So really I deserve all this don't I ? Yeah I deserve a lot more...And I fear that MORE is what is headed my way. I allow this, I do not wish it upon myself but I allow it to keep happening. And I know this like the sound of my own inner voice. I now know what this feels like. WOW ! OK so one day leads to another more pain and sorrow, more disappointment, total frustration ! What do you do to get someone to understand that you just can't, should NOT do this to someone THEY claim they love ? I knew when I did this it was wrong , but did I really understand what I was doing ? Did I stop it ? Did I ever address the other person's feelings ? Did I admit my wrong doings ? NO...HELL NO !!! WHY ? Was this a selfish thing ? Is it fear ? Nah..It's just some people in this world need to hurt someone else in order to FEEL like they are important to themselves. Pathetic bullshit !! It's really they avoid dealing with their own fucked up issues..RIGHT ? Or who fucking knows anymore. Does anyone even give a fuck ? Yeah rejected......
Fools
10.12.07 (4:26 pm) [edit]No man is so foolish but he may sometimes give another good counsel, and no man so wise that he may not easily err if he takes no other counsel than his own. He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master. Hunter S. Thompson
Covering Tracks
01.21.06 (7:39 pm) [edit]Oh electrical baby, fuzzy like a wrestler's backside or the peaches in my brain, with which I am currently engaging in checkers and winning big. All I need is your soundtrack. Crackling like a matchflame or a plastic bag or really anything plastic. Yeah....It all rustles like a dancer's skirts. I need sex, not sleep. Need 600 bars of soap and something cumbersome, a grapefruit, maybe, to carry like a proud mother and guard like a pitbull. I need socks. Or maybe some more of whatever made me love you. Crackle on, sweetness. I'm almost awake....
Librarian
01.21.06 (7:24 pm) [edit]I wish I was a library book So you’d pluck me from the shelf Run your fingers down my spine Open me, reading between my lines. Take me to bed Or your favorite chair I’d fill your head And you’d twiddle your hair...
These Bones
01.03.06 (11:18 am) [edit]The palm has curled across the steps, and ground
its green into slate and future snow. It cowers
as summer does beneath a billowing cloud.
As ice arrives and leaves descend, I dig
my wrists into rock, caress the chafe and freeze.
I sharpen my nails against the song that's found
in winter's bones, whose echo hums in stone,
whose tone threads through falling palms,
whose form endures the moan of midnight's birth.
A weakening will pulls my voice beneath
the ivory ice to live within the breath of seeds,
to nestle in the origin of new bones, new green.
My tears will sing the birth of fear's clear river.
My waiting song will rattle these once hollow bones...forever.
Let Me
01.03.06 (11:14 am) [edit]Let me live out my years in heat of blood!
Let me die drunken with the dreamer's wine!
Let me not see this soul-house built of mud
Go toppling to the dusk -- a vacant shrine.
Let me go quickly, like a candle light
Snuffed out just at the heyday of its glow.
Give me high noon -- and let it then be night!
Thus would I go.
And grant that when I face the grisly thing,
My song may trumpet down the gray perhaps.
Let me be as a tune-swept fiddlestring
That feels the master melody -- and snaps!
I Am A Book
01.03.06 (11:12 am) [edit]I am a book I neither wrote nor read,
A comic, tragic play in which new masquerades
Astonishing as guns crackle like raids
Newly each time, whatever one is prepared
To come upon, suddenly dismayed and afraid,
As in the dreams which make the fear of sleep
The terror of love, the depth one cannot leap.
How the false truths of the years of youth have passed!
Have passed at full speed like trains which never stopped
There where I stood and waited, hardly aware,
How little I knew, or which of them was the one
To mount and ride to hope or where true hope arrives.
I no more wrote than read that book which is
The self I am, half-hidden as it is
From one and all who see within a kiss
The lounging formless blackness of an abyss.
How could I think the brief years were enough
To prove the reality of endless love?
I now give myself to you...A book for you to read.
Disinherit
01.03.06 (11:09 am) [edit]It numbs my naked bloodless fingers
And was a part of me before
I saw it tear down my short days here
Frightened of this place which is not mine
Arms are never long enough to reach as far back
as we want
But turn your back and the grasp grips with no intention of release
Retrace the steps that brought you forward
Arms outstretched towards you, I\'m not use to seeing you this way
I can feel you all around me but all I end up holding is air
Ending just the way it always does
I disinherit for the last time
I catch myself, hold on
I disinherit all the memories
I cut myself, pain keeps me going
I disinherit for the last time
Use me abuse me, banish me to hell...never forget, hold on against your will.
:\/:
12.11.05 (2:46 am) [edit]Walking out I know
this is not the end of the matter,
I will be hearing from my conscience shortly;
that over padded plain navy sofa.
Still, the walk home's thrilling,
the moon all anglepoised, gets me, dancing.
I'm a twenties nobody,
a toe tapping
sequin snatching nightmare,
let me in to your houses!
I am here to hurt those of you who leave the ante door unlocked.
Arms full with slippers and milk
I creep and whisper 'your sensitivity,'
I hope you hear me.
Lost
12.06.05 (6:50 am) [edit]Not that I knew you then,
But it seems as though
you were in my genes,
even then, so long ago--
in another lifetime.
The Package
10.28.05 (3:43 am) [edit]This song says it all...You know who this is for DON'T YOU ?????
Clever got me this far
Then tricky got me in
I am what I'm after
I don't need another friend
Smile and drop the cliche
'Till you think I'm listening
I take just what I came for
Then I'm out the door again
Peripheral long the package
Don't care to settle in
Time to feed the monster
I don't need another friend
Comfort is a mystery
Crawling out of my own skin
Just give me what I came for, then I'm out the door again
Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get just what I need
Lie to get what I crave
Lie and smile to get what's mine
I am what I'm after
I don't need another friend
Nod and watch your lips move
If you need me to pretend
Because clever got me this far
Then tricky got me in
I'll take just what I came for
Then I'm out the door again
Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get what I need now
Lie to get what I'm craving
Lie and smile to get what's mine
Give this to me
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine
Lie to get what I came for
Lie to get what I need now
Lie to get what I'm craving
Lie to smile and get what's mine
Give this to me
Take what's mine
Mine, mine, mine
Take what's mine
Give this to me
Take what's mine, take what's mine, mine...
Take what's mine, take what's mine, take what's mine,
This is mine, mine, mine [whispered]
A.P.C.
Listen
10.22.05 (8:10 pm) [edit]Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn’t hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.
IF
10.22.05 (8:05 pm) [edit]If I close my eyes...
If I hold my breath...
If I had the chance...
If I only knew what she wanted...
If I was only on some other planet...
If I only could change the damge done...
If for a second I could catch my breath...
If a gimplse would make me shudder...
If the knife only cut deeper...
If the voice would whisper some other...
If the moment was erased...
If the day was darker...
If everyone would just shut-up...
If she only understood...
If we were only different...
If the spell were only lifted...
If time would only stop...
If in this lifetime I met another like her...
If......
Romantic Rubber Band
10.13.05 (8:50 pm) [edit]There is elastic between us;
It pulls and relaxes.
Pulls and relaxes.
I am your body.
My chest rises with your breaths.
My feet ache when you tire.
I sleep in your pupil-less oceans--
Play on the ladder of your ribs--
Hide in my secret cave
Between your nose and left eye.
My palm maps out our future.
Fate is our elastic;
It pulls and relaxes.
Pulls and relaxes.
The End !
10.05.05 (10:38 pm) [edit]Walking down a path of love has many ups and downs, twist and turns...But nothing prepares you for the pitfalls of the end of love. NO ?
As in death all that remains are memories. Good and bad.
Eyes closed at night and nothing but thoughts of all that went wrong. They Sting like needles ripping through your flesh....That hollow ripped out feeling in the center of your chest gets worse. Now the visions in your head pound out the faces over and over. "How wonderful" you say to yourself ! "Why me" ? You ask yourself ? "What did I do to deserve all this hell" ? Then you make up stuff. Funny how the brain reads the hearts pain. Where does it all begin and when does it fuckin end dear GOD ? GOD ? You think he is love ? HA ! WHY all the pain then ? HA !
You go numb, then darkness...Then your inner voice speaks to you. Light at the end of the tunnel you think ?
WRONG ! Gulp...More of the same !
Love:
1.A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2.A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.Some elements that are often present in interpersonal love:
Affection: appreciation of another
Attachment: satisfying basic emotional needs
Altruism: selfless or unselfish concern for another
Reciprocation: if love is mutual
Commitment: a desire to maintain love
Emotional intimacy: sharing emotions and feelings
Kinship: family bonds
Passion: sexual desire
Physical intimacy: sharing of intimate personal space
Self-interest: desiring rewards
Service: desire to help
All this and your what ? Cool ? Fucked ? Cursed ? In love ?
Come on search for love, or passion on the net ! READ A SELF HELP BOOK ! What do you find ? What's in your heart at the moment ? What does your brain, confuse,say ? What does your heart,gut tell you when you feel,see,IM,email,search that one kinetic spark that you convince yourself SHE,HE is "THE ONE" ? What do you think it means ? <----Problem ! STOP !!!! YES STOP !!! HOLD ! BREATHE ? WHAT ? I lost you ? Emotions ? >
Ahhhh so what's all this leading too ? Answers ? Awareness ? Of what ? Your fucked at this point correct ? OH..Pesmist you are ? YOU SUCK ! WAKE UP ! Always look on the bright side ? Friends,family console you ? Hold your chin up ? And you AGAIN...Do what ? LIE TO YOURSELF !!! Oh now you look at the other person..Blame ? Excuses ? "Oh it's NOT ME" ! "I have done nothing wrong" ! Sound familiar ? Now what ? Yeah ! Lot's of this--- ??????? HUH ? Well ? LOVE ? Pain or worth it all again ? Of course it is ! WHY ? Gee Bobby CUZ I'M HUMAN ? Tell me now ! Nope...Jr.! Cuz I'm stupid and wanna get laid ? Nope !
Since we are all ultimately alone, isolated islands of subjectivity in an objective world, we have absolute freedom over our internal nature, and the source of our value can only be internal. OH WOW DEEP SHIT ! Uhhh....
1. We have no predetermined nature or essence that controls what we are, what we do, or what is valuable for us.
2. We are radically free to act independently of determination by outside influences.
3. We create our own human nature through these free choices.
4. We also create our values through these choices.
Blah, blah, blah for all you PSYCH majors ! Oh look Bobby yer still readin !
Love=Make it what you will ! Pain will always be present in your life ! This topic..LOVE will never end..........
Lessons
10.04.05 (10:42 am) [edit]The bus is a box, the children
obedient as crayons.
Each morning one by one
they climb into rows, thoughts
scattered out windows,
leaning toward that time of day
when they can wander outside the lines,
mark up the evening air
with the whirl of bicycle tires,
arc of a swing.
The older ones think of sundown,
when long, waxy shadows
soften every sidewalk they can imagine.
The youngest want to step on a crack,
break your mama's back.
Essentially Enigma
07.21.05 (11:09 am) [edit]I will draw you in a dervish
swirl from palette onto paper
cream and dimple hungry
for the shape-and-hue emergence
of you from rapid dabs and strokes
by brushes coarse for vital form
and background fine for definition
of the porous contour, detail hid
inside the mystery of your face
I whirl around unsteadied
by your eyes, brown on the canvas
watching every line and mark
I make to fill demanding empty spaces
like a judgment needing eyebrows
and the shape of mouth to cast a verdict
on my fever rush of colors stroked
in the flurried brightness of deluded acts
to catch the essentials of enigma
Dead Lock
06.05.05 (8:22 am) [edit]Winds of time
Lay waste
To the highland mist
Briny blackness prevails
Interlight exhausted
Grand illusion of life
Weathered and worn
Treacherous waters rise
Repeating cycles
Geographical changes
Infinite domain
Uncontrollable floods
Unforeseen machinations of mind
Against the weathered world
Quarter-life Crisis
04.28.05 (6:38 am) [edit]I about fell over when I read this. My sister wrote this: WOW ! Enjoy.
I say it all the time: "Quarter-life Crisis."
Now it's time to define it:
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that
there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not
like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year
or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those
friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest
people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are
some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they
are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere,
but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought
you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that
you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that
you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding
things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you
are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the
greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear
life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further
away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do
such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone
decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing
this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands
and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like
an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk
with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make
a decision.
You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just
like to be a contender!
......
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as
we can to figure this whole thing out.
.....Maybe this will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their
state of confusion........
Dogma
02.17.05 (9:04 pm) [edit]I have a god,
an obsession, a way of life.
His constant and ruthless energy
merely reminds me of the past,
as the moment evaporates like a morning dew,
thrusting me into the unforgiving sunlight.
My god has control, I don't;
I pretend and feign,
but this pompous charade
is destroyed by the sight of my bible
which burdens me with guilt
and an unfading regret for the unalterable.
An escape is absolutely impossible,
at least while my heart still beats,
mirroring the patterned hand,
with which my god reigns.
But this too shall pass,
for I, unlike my god, won't last forever.
[b]FYI: This "God" I speak of...Is NOT Jesus Christ.....If you know me, then you already knew that. :roll: [/b]
My God is this passion mixed with pain, of this creative drug that drains me at times. I strive to let this out. I must ! For I unlike "YOUR GOD" show no mercy ! My soul may pass, my body will surly rot....But my being will roam forever..... :arrow:
Kaleidoscope
01.16.05 (7:40 pm) [edit]If you peer through stained glass windows,
The world you'll see will be a blur,
A mess of blue and yellow problems
That glare upon you as you go.
Sometimes it's nice to know that somewhere,
Enticed within this trap of color,
There is a gleam of pure logic,
A glimpse of joy that you discover.
So when you feel that, trapped in hues,
You can't escape and can't forget,
And every impulse of contentment
Has left you bare with regret,
What you must do is strain by color
Each one that stares back at you,
And with each tint you will discover
The things you once could not construe.
Damage
12.29.04 (3:14 pm) [edit]Damage needs gentle handling;
drop them and they'll splatter, not bounce
but don't overlook the shelf;
there are good things to be found
among the rejects
the seconds
and the third-time-arounds.
For, believe me, those hard corners
are better knocked-off;
the rounded will roll,
over-ripe equates to sweet,
used beckons experience,
and you are still perfect to me.
Truly A Sad Day
12.09.04 (9:49 am) [edit][b]Last Night 12/8/04 a GREAT MAN and fellow musician was MURDERED for NO REASON !!! Darrell Abbott !!
AKA Dimebag !! Guitarist from the band Pantera and Damage Plan.[/b]
[b]Shot and killed while ON STAGE playing the music WE ALL LOVE!!! SHOT by some FUCKIN IDIOT, OBVIOUSLY INSANE, SCUM OF THE EARTH, PIECE OF SHIT ! WHO....Thank GOD, HE (The Shooter) WAS KILLED by police at the scene !!![/b]
"A 25-year-old man stormed the stage at a heavy-metal rock concert Wednesday night, shooting and killing Pantera founder and Damageplan guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott and three others before a police officer shot and killed him" !
My heart goes out to ALL the victims familes !
I can't express how shocked I am at the moment !
I can't express in ANY words how such a TRAGIC loss and blow this is in my world, and for ANYONE else who listens to Hard/Rock/Metal music !
Note: The shootings came exactly 24 years after John Lennon was shot to death outside his New York apartment building by a deranged fan.
I have EXTREME RAGE at the moment !!! Senseless !!! Just overwhelmed with disgust ! Such a tragedy !!! WHY? why? why? WHY? I will never understand things like this !!! I will never forget you Darrell !!
[b]R.I.P My brother ! I know you will be jamming with all the other GREATS in THE AFTERLIFE ! May you have eternal peace ![/b]
[b] R.I.P.
Darrell "Dimebag" Abbott
1966-2004[/b]
Alone
11.26.04 (7:21 pm) [edit]When I am all alone, envy me most.
Then, my thoughts flutter round me in glimmering hosts,
some dressed in silver, some dressed in white,
each like a taper blossoming light;
most of them merry, some of them grave;
each of them lithe as willows that wave;
some having violets, some having bay;
one with a burning rose hidden away.
When I am alone, envy me then,
for I have better friends than women and men....
[b]Inspired by thoughts while listening to the song:
Lover, You Should`ve Come Over <---Just the GREATEST lyrics EVER !>
By: Jeff Buckley
May he R.I.P.[/b]
Looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know
When i'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run
Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one
So i'll wait for you... and i'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn
Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late
Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come
It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever
Well maybe i'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong
Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late
Well I feel too young to hold on
And i'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well i'm waiting for you
Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late
Unwrapping Lithium
11.13.04 (5:45 pm) [edit]You've been forwarned. Note: This is NOT about a current, OR past lover ! Fiction people...It's called Imagination
Harsh realities lie in wait beneath heavy blankets of sleep. Paralyzed limbs that know the pain of a wounded past will soon face the onslaught of another vicious day. She stirs. A euphoric sun slays shadows as awakening eyes slay dreams. She never got the joke because she was the punch… line.
Pretty girls make victims she thinks as she slips in to clothes that will bury her perfection. Knots in her stomach are loosened one by one as she feeds her depression on lithium. She never quite manages to undo them fully. She is a teenage tourniquet, pulling ever tighter on my troubled heart. And I love her. Soft leather sofas, the color of death, provide false comfort as hateful memories are dragged from her prison mind. Yet still they persist with their inane questions.
Textbook psychologists with textbook tones and smiles pull thoughts as if extracting teeth. She can only lower her guard in the safety of empty rooms. She can only lower eyelids in the presence of dreams. She will leave with a smile that she had prepared earlier from the remnants of other people’s contentment. She will discard such tyranny without a thought as she leaves empty hearted and desolately low.
Inane wolf-whistles from sex starved cretins with beer bellies and brutal laughs fly over her head as she waits impatiently for a bus to whisk her away to nowhere. I wrap bare limbs around emptiness as I feign a contented sigh that will be lost to the damp musty air of this cold barren room. I surrender to sleep and catch reality off guard. With her on my mind I will sink ever deeper. She relates to fallen outsiders that tout flesh for chemicals whilst displaying openly wrecked lives. She forgets herself for one blissful moment and allows eyelids to drop in unison beneath a nuisance sky.
The world seems far more attractive when obscured behind the rendering of black mascara shutters. She will miss the last bus, preferring instead to catch her death as December pulls short the day in frozen gasps. Leaden skies continue to assault the concrete horizon. She is at home in the midst of such cemented decadence. I am at home in the throws of unconscious release. All I ever wanted is all I will never know, for all I do know is manufactured love built on the foundations of my own furtive imaginings.
Misguided and misjudged chemicals hold the keys to life altering smiles. She wonders, as do I, if such upturned lips are traceable on our sleep-frozen faces? Or is the welding of worries in to troubled brows more austere in the clutch of a nocturnal embrace? Together, alone, we will face tomorrow knowing less than we know now. I will meet you in the void that exists between hopes and dreams. I will hold you and ask nothing before requesting the world with a kiss. Lips that have caused these paralyzed smiles can only sedate such aches. My psychological enquiries have led me here to you. Held within your own marbled limbs as smiles dance serenely over unwrapped lithium. You will take the lead in dreams as I, never far behind, follow closely in mine.
The Part Of Me Past
11.07.04 (8:08 pm) [edit]My darling,
eyes downcast,
furrows deeply ridden
across the plain
syntax of
your worded regret.
Such a small
trail of tears
cascaded down
your face.
And you told me
you loved me.
Lips curled downward
with but a trace
of false tears
clinging to their edges
and words like
sharpened razor blades
slicing open
my chest cavity.
And you told me
you loved me.
Exasperated movement
of hands upward
to Heaven
when I couldn't move
nor speak to you.
Tears only mixing
with the tension-
filled air
as you turned
on your heel
and moved forever
away from me.
And you told me
you loved me.
A Fallen Angel Talks to God
11.05.04 (10:03 pm) [edit]Pale dissatisfactions block the sides,
and I see watery eyes under their curtains,
trapped in changeling dreams.
There are waves of dark intensity,
but if I fly,
I could see misfortune's face and smile.
It is despite love, my love.
Sing me a song for sleep,
and wane the winds.
I am driftwood in the sky,
uncaring of breathless space or useless ground.
There are better wings than this.
The Tree Such As Life
10.27.04 (6:56 am) [edit]As withered leaves cracked in the wind,
shed themselves of precious life,
one noble tree stood the fury,
unmarred by hints of death.
One by one dropped to faded ground
dried by sun's exhausting heat,
rolling onward they left behind,
the foundation of their life.
And as that tree in silence watched
the offspring of its patient growth,
they crisply followed, in circular thrills
forgetting one whose comfort shared
and solemn life fulfilled.
Finally left to its own peace,
the tree faced fading sunset beams,
It's shadow, cold, outlining grace,
a promise, never to erase
its dignity, solid would remain.
Figure Me Out ?
10.09.04 (5:13 am) [edit]The rough outlines of the buildings, like ghosts
Seem to haunt this town.
The airy structures are suspended in air
And floating on water. Where am I ?
Thick layers of paint situate the sun to
Overpower all that it encompasses. Where do I gaze ?
Here is portrayed a scene that could be found
If one was able to freeze a single slide from a
Setting within a dream. Where would that be ?
No angles are the same,
Lines shift and the picture changes. Say's who ?
Intense shades of blues engulf this area,
Where distinction between water and sky converge.
A bit of warm color is present,
But only in a tiny, red circle where fits of
Orange and yellow become prevalent;
My gaze lingers here, hypnotized. Upon what ?
If you can figure this riddle out then your a true artist. It only speaks of one of the greatest paintings of all time...I wrote this while staring at it trying to put myself in that place of the person who painted it. What did they see, feel, think of, etc. I find it very interesting how a artist thinks when creating such a masterpiece. The question is does he think at all ?
To prove a point I created this riddle...In order for this to work, you would either be clever enough to envision what this painting is ie: your an artist. Or you will fall in the category as most...You will simply make up something or find your own picture in the text in which to paint the picture in your own minds eye. Perhaps even going a few steps further and creating a whole world in which this is but one scene.
Is this creation ? Artistic vision ? In-depth, in-touch with your surroundings ? We all share it ! Artist, musicians, actors. We simply don't think about the creation process when a masterpiece accidently happens ! We're so often caught up in the struggle to CREATE such a said "Masterpiece"...We loose sight of what really takes place as shown here......
For Her Or For Me
09.22.04 (8:07 pm) [edit]Like the Earth that yawns and flings aside
the sheets of night and, naked, meets the day,
out of darkness, out of sleep I come
to kneel at last, who never learned to pray.
Like a bird that fills its silver throat
with praise of all each new-dawned day will bring,
full of hope and filled with simple awe,
I lift my voice, who never learned to sing.
Like the tumbleweed before the wind
that moves with grace for all it moves by chance,
I set myself adrift and seek the breeze
to leap for joy, who never learned to dance.
Because I love, the world is fresh and new.
I learn, I am, I say myself . . . for you.
Is There Room For Me ?
09.15.04 (6:25 am) [edit]I took the dull scissors
from my blue pencil holder
and commenced to cut the stars from the sky.
Orion appeared on my doorstep,
bleeding fluorescent moon rocks
and pleading his case:
"It isn't the stars that
burst your beach ball,
it's just the way of things."
He was right.
Grandma nesting doll
was shedding her layer for Mom and me,
and she knew I wasn't ready.
Exonerating the stars,
I handed them back to Orion
and sent a mental note to Grandma:
"It's okay--I get it now.
My apologies to Heaven.
Should I send tape?
See ya soon."
Rare
09.05.04 (12:05 pm) [edit]Rare the arrival of uninvited guests,
rarer still my own welcoming mood--but I
dither and prepare.
Though this is not an age of impromptu calls,
I am not adverse to distraction.
Questions
08.10.04 (7:51 am) [edit]There is no changing me I always said to myself ! The pick, the prod, the wonder why's. I was this way before we met...Jaded though somewhat willing. All in the same breath you said "Gee so am I" Funny how two people for a brief moment in time can connect and then in a flash be right off that same page ! I use to think this is just the way things are...I am just to off, or they just don't get me. Or I them.
Then one day something changed...Pain ! Where did it go ? Heartache ! My best buddy ! What the hell happened ? Doubts ! The voice in my head just said fuck it...It doesn't matter anymore ! So here I stand naked with a new start...Only difference is when you know your reasons...I guess you still need to gaze and wonder about the pick , the prod, the only if's, the make me happy's the endless myth's.
A thousand years pass in your brain in a flash...A lifetime hangs on your fingertip. The blame stops here.....
Lost
08.10.04 (7:28 am) [edit]She rises in beauty from her warm earthen bed.
She opens her soft throat to the rising sun.
Her color changes in the bright white light.
She stands tall and waits for the gentle rain,
To cool, nourish and bring about her passion,
Her death.
Tricks
07.07.04 (1:23 pm) [edit]For those that have
Parallel distractions
In their minds
And the feeling of sweet guilt
On their lips
For those that are
Desperate because
They can reciprocate only the love of
Animals and kids
And lovers are
Objects of sentimentality
Nobody really ever said
Anything,
Because they hardly
Ever talk.
And the rain,
Is always waiting for them
To arc dreams,
Their bodies are
Sponges full of lucid intervals that
Days squeeze,
And for them
Life is simply
A trick of the light
On lunar windows
Of silent arks traveling towards
Lost numb mornings.
Your Questions
07.06.04 (3:22 pm) [edit]under the shadows, the dark voices,
layer after layer
of imprisoned life,
captured is it
by a void, by something
which bites
only to feed itself:
all else not
mattering.
such pure consciousness
purges our souls,
makes our conscience
a guardian of life,
re breads the stuff of life
into a mate
of our very minds.
it is not for the thing
we wish to possess
that we become virtuous or kind
but out of compassion
and knowing
how everyone is
made inside
for a home,
not just a place.
Sleeping Deadly
07.06.04 (2:53 pm) [edit]Silent and still it awaits like a cancerous tumor
ready to pounce on any will shown...Only to recoil in defeat when it's true presence is shown.
Sometimes the smell of something changes it's direction,
mostly it's the burrowed nature in which it hides itself, as it catches a glimpse of your weakness.
In tune with your own vibrations.... It reacts as a clone.
Dumbfounded you stumble to understand why...
And as silent as it approached...Only equal in its exit, it leaves to find another...Sleeping deadly until it's true form is shown.
Miss me deadly, miss me ill, make me lonely within your hell, miss me madly, miss me heart, sleeping deadly I envade your every part....Miss me caution, teach me not, miss me sleeping deadly ? I am what your not...Creeping deadly as you sleep.